To Quote Daniel Powter

Bad day. It was my turn in the get-shat-upon list my boss is neverendingly going through. Yep, three weeks before I am supposed to leave my Taiwan home of two and a half years for good she wants me to pack up my whole life in 2 days and move to a different apartment...with pets. As far as I can tell this is all because some hollywood producer needs to be alone in an apartment. earth to company: buy a fucking hotel room like any other normal, extremely profitable company would do. And you all know how much I just love pets. Again, while I do not wish them cruelty, I want them to stay far the hell away from my person.

Apparently it is impossible for anyone to leave this company on rosy terms. I'm so pissed. And frankly, when someone shits on me, the last thing I want to hear is the bright side. Fuck the bright side, take it and burn it along with your damned cats. I hate it when people don't even allow me to feel any anger or frustration. I need to vent. It is critical for me to stay emotionally healthy. The other craptacular thing is that I totally predicted this. I have been slowly packing up and sorting through stuff just because this kind of last minute victimization by randomly shat out excrement is the norm, not the exception. You know how sometimes you wish you weren't so prescient because it means something bad about the world when you are.

I can't wait to get back to a country with laws. I think I'll take any job I can get just to experience what it is like for personal and work life not to be entangled. To be able to take two days off and not have anyone inquire about what I am doing and if it is worthwhile, or let people into my house to go through my stuff. I should have taken that rent allowance at the beginning of my tenure here. Oh my gosh, if I could give in to a 401k and have regimented hours and a supervisor and duties. you have no idea how tempting that humdrum regimented banality is for me at this moment.



this incident also just brought out how much i hate what i am doing. like, i really try to have a good attitude and focus on the positive, but the damn fact is that I hate judging these contests, i hate teaching, i hate putting on faces. i'm an *empath*. it drains me to have to relate to so many people. i can only successfully manage a few at a time. this is why i feel like i hate the person i am here so much, i feel like people here are really not getting the best of me and its sad to know I am going back home and leaving people with this idea of who i am. but i do it because i believe that in the end what we do is somehow beneficial to lots of people. but when they--the man!!-- treat my friends like shit and when they treat me like shit, i just want to run away and somehow screw them over. I want to get on a plane and disappear. i hate being controlled by people whose judgment i find questionable. the whole thing about submitting to authority is that authority is supposed to look after you and care for you. even in ancient chinese law that's how it was. grr.

well, a few hours have passed since I wrote this. I went and exercised vigorously--one of the first times I have truly craved an intense workout as a cure to my anger. nice. and my boss and i came to a compromise. so my flaming anger has dissipated. i think she has really good intentions...but with those good intentions she sits down and tries to control the world. it's partly chinese culture to put a leader in a position like that. i don't think she would have been this way if chinese culture didnt skew so heavily toward hierarchical thinking and obeisance and fear of decision making. but i still have to move out by thursday.