Well, That Was Unexpected

Real life is stranger than fiction...depending on which authors you read, of course.

Friday, August 18, 2006

domestic bliss?

All this hanging around at home is going to turn me into Martha Stewart. Or Martha's inept, sarcastic sister at least. Today, after hearing serious distress in my mom's voice "the house is at it's limit of messiness" after corinne's birthday and knowing it had more to do with the hell our father inflicts upon us when the house is messy-- involving him being moody and unresponsive and holing away in his room being totally unsociable and then saying something like "why don't we just [expletive] burn it if it's going to be trashed anyway" after 4 hours of silence--i decided to earn my keep and i spent the whole entire day cleaning inside and out. then i helped corinne make dinner. then i went shopping. and after such a day i thought "a totally typical and horrific suburban life could be mine if i just mind my p's and q's." actually that kind of domesticity is fun every once in a while. and its so nice to eat with the whole family. my father gave us all kisses on the cheek after dinner due to his happiness from having a hot meal and a clean house awaiting him. it was kind of like the incredibles family. awwwww. i suppose we won't flog him for being typical and painfully 50s patriarchal and caring more about the cleanliness of the house than the closeness of our relationships and our character and spiritual/moral health. bizarrely, in the end, we still really care what he thinks of us.

ahem, anyway, yesterday i stole a page out of rachel's book and i baked for the first time in years, i think. since corinne wanted a yogurt mill pie, which is murderous on the lactose intolerant among us--all you non san diegans out there: cry for yourselves and your lack of yogurt mill, and cry hard because, for the lactose tolerant it is as close as you get to heaven!--i decided to make a cake. i was about to go to the store and make my grandmother's famous german's chocolate cake recipe which is both hard and the best Effing cake in history, when i decided at the last minute to call corinne who informed me she hates nuts and coconut, i.e., she hates german's chocolate cake, so i decided to be boring and make the white cake from the mix we had in our cupboard. Thanks to Lauren it had the words "partially hydrogented soybean oil" heavily underlined in marker so that i would realize i was giving my family poisonous processed hazardous material that their bodies would never be able to digest. awesome. throwing mortality to the wind, i proceeded. anyway, i soon realized that a big white cake would be boring. so i put a truckload of cinnamon in one half and left the other side plain with a big 20 written in green dye. the 20 ended up looking like the word "no" from a certain angle, causing no end of confusion--possibly symbolic? hmmm. although i have no idea why i would want to prevent corinne from growing older and wiser, so it doesnt really work. everyone was skeptical about my cinnamon cake, but it actually tasted awesome--like a big, fluffy snickerdoodle. all of my domestic experiments have gone well. and in tragic news i spent one hour of today watching TLC makeover shows, one called "what not to wear" and another called "ten years younger." i was totally sapped in. the latter involved helping a 35 year old former meth addict clean up for her wedding. she had already lost 70 pounds in a year and is a postal carrier. she was so sweet, she was killing me talking about the depth of her relationships with her friends after recovery and how blessed she is and how she doesnt need substances anymore. she had a depth that was not matched by the shoddy host or vapid stylists helping her out. and her fiance was so supportive and loving, i damn near cried. the host had no words of encoruagement or afirmation for the miracle of her being clean for 8 years and having lost 70 pounds. he was like "okay, well, now let's hear how old people thought you were before the makeover." i felt like HE needed makeover...in his heart. harumph.

so i have a dilemma in that someone from my master's program is organizing some kind of beer social at a bar here. now, i am planning on changing my degree, but also, im wondering...do i really want to be that involved with my master's classmates? i already have friends. do i want more? hmmm. i shall ponder this. i mean, friends are great, but only if you have time to get to know them. is this some kind of higher networking thing, or will i be wasting hours of my life learning about the various ways San Diego frat boys plan on exploiting Asia in their future business plans.

off to sleep. i have the sniffles. boo.

btw, did i forget to mention that i went kayaking in the potomac? because, i freaking went kayaking in the potomac! past the kennedy center and lincoln memorial and watergate complex. beth said i looked like a rock star when i paddled because of my intensity. too bad intensity does not equal effectiveness. still, my arms were all bronzed and i felt like an amazon woman afterward. high recommends.

pps: how awesome is northwest airlines? telling their fired employees to go dumpster diving and not to grocery shop when they are hungry to save money. they get my FT prize for 2006. FT stands for Effing Thoughtless. holy crap. it's just so..french or missionary. can you imagine getting that? you have been fired, now go be a trash digger. salut! bwahahahaha. it's killing me, the irony. i hope their ceo dumpster dives. oh yes, i bet he sure does. wtg NWA, you FT bastards!

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Julie, you hilarious thing, I'm so glad you're back stateside and I think you need to work Houston into your travels! Also, do you not love "What Not to Wear"? Is it not the most awesomely addictive show ever? And does the host Stacy not remind you of a looooot of people you knew at Wellesley who all lived in Tower Court or Severance?
love Shannon

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Bethicus said...

Dearest rock star,
Go have a beer with the Master's classmates. Gives you a sense of who to avoid later on.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Naomi said...

Jules, you gots to be kidding me. An opportunity to go out for beers with potential friends, even if they're just the hanging out occasionally type. Plus, hello, hot guy possibilities? But so what you want to do. You're allowed now.
PS: Shannon, Stacy is entertaining, but I want to hug Clinton. And possibly keep him as a pet.

8:33 PM  
Blogger your said...

phentermine nice :)

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jules, it's Kim, checking in from Boston, where you ALSO did not stop, apparently, on your whirlwind tour of the country, and I am bitter. Yeah I didn't do the whole joiner thing with my masters' classmates either, same reasons, and now a year in I'm like well I suppose it would be nice to have someone to bum notes off of. Might not hurt to go...

1:54 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Hmmm. I'm thinking about my own master's program experience last year. I kind of lucked out because the first day of orientation I met a really good friend. Perhaps you could go out with the group and see if you make a closer connection with someone(s) ... then ease out of group activities if you sense it's a waste of energy?

1:03 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

You made a cake! I am so unabashedly proud of you! :)

And who is the rachel who gave you a cooking book? Is that me? (I don't remember giving you a cooking book...but maybe I did...okay, just tell me who this "rachel" is before I go crazy!)

Now you need to make Jacki's coffee cake for your family...

11:18 PM  
Blogger Julie Hartle said...

my dearest rachel sawatzky, you are my only baking rachel, and will be evermore!

1:09 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I am so impressed, Jules.
I am working on the whole domestic thing myself. Admittedly Tom is thus far doing a much better job of cooking than I am of cleaning.
That will all change when I get these stupid summer courses out of the way. Really.

8:40 AM  

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