my relationship manager

today i made a call to cancel a credit card i had signed up for mainly b/c of the free teddy bear i got with it. anyway, i mean if the rates had been good with no annual fee i would have kept it and trashed a different unused card, but it had said profanities and so i trashed it. anyway, i call up and need to talk to a human with a pulse to cancel the card and here is what it said "press zero to speak with a relationship manager." and then it said "tranferring you to a relationship manager." this is a whole new level in creepy lingo used to make customers feel safe and secure and valued by corporations. anyway, my relationship manager was named judith and at the end of our conversation she asked if she could assist me with anything else. and i wanted to say something like "yeah, how does one balance work and home life, then, judith?" or "i think my boyfriend is lying to me about working late, i think he's "managing a relationship" with someone else, know what i mean, judy? honh honh honh"

this makes me think of so i married an axe murderer when charlie broke up with a girl because she "worked for the mafia" which he inferred because she never told him what she did for a living. that's right, the cosa nostra.

i'm loving this weight watcher's thing. it's like a puzzle. i have 30 points and i have to manipulate them into a day's worth of food. ie today i really wanted a snickerdoodle, yet i also know i am going to a pot luck games night and need at least 15 points in said situation tonight. so for lunch i had a spinach salad with spaghetti sauce and 1 tsp olive oil. 1 point, my friends--1 point! (when i'm feeling sinister i think it would be funny to shirk the system by eating an entire can of spaghetti sauce--technically 0 points-- or drinking the whole bottle of italian dressing my mom just bought that mysteriously has 0 calories and fat and yet also no preservatives. i said it was ingredient free, but apparently it's just vinegar and lots of dried spices.) as of this moment i have a cool 16 points left for tonight--if you think the math doesnt add up that's b/c i didnt list everything i consumed as judge julie ruled that that would be a little bit too neurotic.

i must go now and call up another relationship manager so they can take the excess from one of my relationships and transfer it to themselves. i hope they arent afraid of this new level of intimacy i am about to thrust upon them.