a brave new world

I went in for my pre-op appointment for the cysts. a moment of note was when i asked my doctor "if you have to remove my ovaries, can we harvest my eggs?" to which he responded that if the ovary is bad then the eggs are bad too. he said "but you will still be able to get pregnant because you will have your uterus." to which i responded (apparently not abreast of the sensitivity of modern fertility mores) "but they wouldnt be my babies, they'd be some other woman's babies?" the doctor says "well, you'd be carrying them, they would be yours" and i say "but genetically not mine?" and he says "well, no" to which i respond "well then, hell no, we can adopt." i guess that should go out as fair warning to anyone who potentially wants to mate with the julie: i am not willing to incubate your child just for the sake of your genetics. if it isnt our 1/2 and 1/2 lovechild, it doesnt gain admittance into my womb.

you know i'm going to eat my words on that later. but whatever. in fact, if the ovaries go, i wonder if i should start selling off my baby carrying capacity as a surrogate mother. start popping out other ladies' kids. that could add a whole new twist to the isaiah 54 passage that i keep reading as spiritual consolation..."the children of the barren woman will more than her who has kids...spread out your stakes and enlarge your tent"...i'm envisioning it "yeah, so i'm pretty booked with 5 births until 2013 but i might be able to squeeze you in in may 2012." i wonder how many kids it would take to pay off my car. i'll be my own personal brave new world.

so my new music discovery is the Kills. i love their album, midnight boom (discovered on woxy, naturally) and already have tickets to the show in may. i need someone to go with. i feel bad for dragging charity my hetero lifemate to everything (but i mean, i still WILL, of course). so if, perchance, anyone develops a love for The Kills in the next two months, you should let me know and let charity off the hook.

i guess that's about it for now. T minus 6 days to surgery. i'm going to put together an email list of people to update after it's done. if you are reading this, you will probably be on it. maybe it should just consist of a graphic thumbs up or down. that does rob the result of the complexity i feel in my heart though. on the one hand i feel like, yes, i want my ovaries saved and potential julie jrs roaming the earth (thumbs up)...on the other hand...no more periods ever again?! (also thumbs up!) i'm torn.