Well, That Was Unexpected

Real life is stranger than fiction...depending on which authors you read, of course.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

5-7 and more!

To recap the points i didn't get to yesterday:

5. started a weird protein shake diet that i am not sticking to.
6. i advise against the jalapeno hot dog at AMPM, but not from my own personal experience, but being in the room with someone with firsthand experience.
7. went to JMAs funeral--general observations are 1) party funerals are no fun for the living and 2) people in the general populace need lessons in death etiquette.

5. so i have this french coworker who recently has gained some weight and decided to do this protein shake diet. how did i get involved in this health fiasco? well, she tells me that i am looking like i have lost some weight (which is true, but not actually an amount that i believe would be discernible to the naked eye, kind of like a mountain rising 5 inches in a year). anyway, i say yes, i'm trying to eat less, blah blah. so she says "i yam go-hink to do zees prhhoghtein shek di-het, i bought zee metrhhex shek wees fhorty-seex grhhams of prhhoghtein, eet ees vehry chip and trhhaader zhoes" or (she is doing a protein shake diet using the Met-RX shake stuff with 46 grams of protein, which is cheap at trader joes). and i had been thinking recently that maybe to jump start some dietary discipline i would do like the "eat two bowls of cereal for breakfast and lunch and have a sensible dinner" kind of diet regime. so i was like, what the hell. it'll be fun to do this with someone. got through 2 days. protein shakes are barftein shakes. even after i realized you should use milk and not water, and they became exponentially more tasty, i realized...i like food. even in small portions. even in the form of lean cuisine and weird low calorie hot pockets. now, because i feel bad about buying the protein stuff, i am using it sporadically--like today for lunch. but what has basically happened is that i am doing defacto Weight watchers. I have taken the calories i would have had on protein shake diet and translated them into real food. to me, that means i am not cheating. i.e. if an egg white and cheese breakfast sandwich has the same calories as a protein shake, i go for it, same for a starbucks scone (btw, the apricot rasberry thumbprint scone is most reasonable). the hilarious thing is that i do this for...almost every meal.

now my major diet dilemma for the day is whether i want to get one double double protein style in-n-out burger for dinner, or two single cheeseburgers protein style in order to have more lettuce. you might think: this sounds undietarily wise, julie, how many protein shakes, exactly, were you having per day? but you'd be very surprised how reasonable the caloric intake of in-n-out is, specially if you sub mustard and ketchup and get it with lettuce instead of bun.

the main thing to take away from this whole unnecessarily long saga, by the way, is that i am hungry. large parts of my day are filled with incredible hunger. are planned around avoiding hunger. meals are planned in the future in reaction to cravings during hunger. (i.e. the pancakes i will eat when i get together with Jon...on friday)

6. AM/PM is advertising their jalapeno cheese sausage dog again. i was shocked they had revived it...and i advise against consuming it even though i havent had one, and i'll tell you why: i had a friend in college who ate one and then came to a movie viewing in my room and after most people had left, i exclaimed "who was farting that whole time? it was totally nasty!" and my friend said "uh, it was me, and i wasnt farting, i was burping...i ate a jalapeno sausage and cheese hot dog at AM/PM before i came here" mmmhmm. burp should NEVER ever be confused with fart. that is why i advise avoiding said hot dog.

7. i don't want you to think that i want to tell people how to react to death and grief, because i do think it is too personal and people are so weird that most things should be forgiven. but here's my take: people need to have lessons in death etiquette. the day i found out about JMA i was like so uber sad. and if anyone asked what was wrong, i was honest, and told them my friend had died. and the appropriate response to that would be "i'm sorry." just fyi. not appropriate is trying to cheer me up or make me smile. i appreciate the good intentions, but can you raise the dead? then no, you cant cheer me up. and also, i think that a day or two of sadness is appropriate for mourning a friend, it's emotionally healthy, and should not try to be remedied after an hour or two. another thing that should not be said to a mourner "don't think of it as a memorial, think of it as a celebration of life." nooooo. don't tell me how to think of it! also inappropriate: a sermon on how christians who die can be happy and celebrate. this is wrong even when a christian dies, but is particularly heinous when my friend was NOT a christian. guess what, asshole? jesus wept, and so do i. i miss my friend, and i think that's ok. some people want to share their own experiences, and i feel like jennifer had a good handle on the way to approach that, she was like "i have a story when you are ready". ahh. yes. i feel that when it is too soon you just don't want to hear about other people. you want to think of your own loss.

Jennifer accompanied me to John-Mark's funeral last saturday. it was a pretty cool setup, beautiful outdoor area. And there were some great memorials written by friends, and a slideshow with scenes throughout his life. and people were sort of milling. we were supposed to be having a good time b/c that is what john-mark wanted, but like, what do you say to people? the only people i knew were old coworkers, and i didnt really feel like catching up at the moment. they had a very nice eulogy, short and funny and very John-Markish. then they had an open mic, but no one who significantly knew JMA could unchoke-up long enough to say anything. and no one wants to hear from someone who is like "i met him at a 7-11 and he was real cool." they kept telling everyone to go to this big afterparty, but these were the same people who couldnt even speak. so like, how fun is that really? my conclusion: party funerals are only good in theory. unless you are pol pot, people will miss you and be sad, so you shouldnt try to force them to be happy without you.

someone did say that one could have a more festive time when the person had had a long pre-death, during which everyone said goodbyes and perhaps that is true.

Totally fascinating article on icelandic culture and how their high birth rate and divorce rate somehow work out for success! Personally, living near bjork would make me happy too!


Blogger Naomi said...

Hey lady,
For one, I always think that funerals happen way too darn soon. Like, you haven't even had time to start missing the person because you're still shocked and freaked out about them dying, and yet you're supposed to go have some kind of closure and memorial? Anyway, I'm sorry you're sad and it truly sucks.
Also, I do agree that they are more likely to be "celebrations of life" when the death has taken longer, precisely because of what I said above. Maybe you guys could try for another "party" in a year or two.
Love you,

9:56 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Oh I totally feel you on the death etiquette thing.
The Iceland article is fascinating.

4:17 PM  

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