Well, That Was Unexpected

Real life is stranger than fiction...depending on which authors you read, of course.

Monday, October 30, 2006

the brown recluse of mi vida

oh man, i am not feeling work today. it's a very monday sort of a feeling.

am still reeling from the fact that my spider bite was from a brown recluse, which is apparently one of the worst you can get. everyone is horrified. everyone kept saying "wow, that's bad, but at least it's not from a brown recluse spider" and this is after i've had a high fever, chills, nausea for a week, painful swelling with a red diameter of like 8 inches, draining horrible crap from my wound and i was like "what the hell is worse than this?" so i checked on it out of morbid curiosity. and then i was like "oh cool, nothing is worse than this except death!" sweeeet. everyone keeps telling me how i will have some kind of scar and hole in my skin. i guess a lot of people get them on their faces, which would truly suck far worse, but mine is on my calf. i'm pretty relieved. scar away my little fiend. what slightly concerns me is that there is perfectly normal looking skin all the way up and down my calf that still feels painful and sore. my boss was like "wow, do you just feel so unlucky?" i'm like, hmm, i feel like i would have milked this for a hell of a lot more time off if i had known it would inspire horror and awe from so many people. the major irony, of course, is that i have been to so many slummy crapholes in this world, i mean whole countries that are slummy crapholes, in exotic places. and then i go to pine valley and some scary spider strikes. the answer to "where did you get that wicked scar?" would be a heckuva lot cooler if it was like "in a musty cave in one of the rock islands in halong bay" or "walking the alleys of calcutta, in city jungles where few foreigners dare to tread" not "rocking a screaming baby at a church retreat in pine valley. " but c'est la vie, it was a fabulous weekend. the only country that has clowned me worse than this is thailand with its 12 days of dysentery. thank you, bangkok.

argh. i keep having the james so bad that my muttering coworker has had to ask me to stop shaking her monitor twice! eeek. i hate this stupid leg shaking thing. it's so natural and subconscious.

okay, so the row vs. wade costume involves a lifejacket, an oar, rolled up highwater pants, and a big pillow stuffed under my shirt, a shirt which has the letter V emblazoned very largely on it and a question mark. so it's row v wade? i had the idea of sticking a knife in the pillow, but that was quickly vetoed by every rational person i know. my mom was like "why don't you just wear one of those sandwich boards with pictures of aborted fetuses."i thought it was sort of darkly funny, but i got the point. as is, there is no political statement and is received by both sides as brilliant. which is how i like to roll, frankly.

yesterday when we were watching football my father announced to me that he doesnt mind "that girl who does the sunday night football theme song. she's kind of cute." i was like "that's Pink, dad, and yes, she is cute in a rockin sort of way." i was torn b/w being mortified, but then, if one has to find anyone cute, i would rather it be pink than say, paris hilton. i just like pink.

i just got the very disturbing news of ryan philippe and reese witherspoon splitting. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. they were supposed to be forever and ever. is nothing certain, people? i feel like all the assertions upon which i live my life are being eroded one by one....okay not really. everything in my real life is doing well. i mean, besides my weird near-lethal spider bite. but reese and ryan, get back together! now!

and way to go chris, you totally nailed the movie from whence the words klatu barata nicto were later seen: army of darkness. and bruce campbell is the one and only actor.

6 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

I too have had a brown recluse spider bite(no, not from Iraq or other hell holes I have been to, but Georgia!!-of course that was basic training so I guess that was a hell hole in itself)

So welcome to the big ugly scar club!! Isn't the high fever great? And the oozing green and black stuff cool too? Atleast you were seen by real doctors who knew what they were treating, rather than the army "docs" who looked at it- gave me a local, and then cut it open with a scalpel, and then said aloud "I wonder what bit you", and then giving me a whole slew of antibiotics to kill whatever it could possibly be(question- are you taking kaflax(sp?) That stuff finally did the trick) They finally figured it out a week later and all of their doctor budies came over to see the hole in my leg when they changed my dressings.

Get well soon! Drink lots of water!
Oh, and not to freak you out, but thoroughly clean out your bags and clothes after your camping trip, they like to hang out there- you don't want a repeat visit.

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh... I love the halloween costume, now that i know what it was! Very very clever you are, Julie :)

So, about this brown recluse bite, have you gone to the doctor for it? Someone showed me some really gruesome photos ... We supposedly have a lot of them in Kentucky. yay.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Naomi said...

Angus and your dad have something in common. I'm mortified to hear about your bite, dear. Way to have unique experiences, though.

10:50 PM  
Blogger beth said...

julie, first of all, i am so sorry that a brown recluse bit you! what the heck! and in a place called pine valley? -- the name of the town where the soap opera 'all my children' is set?? so sorry, girl. get well soon. at least it wasn't a black widow, right? that's gotta be worse. why's it always gotta be the black that's worse though?

anyway, on to ryan and reese. i, too, met that news with a NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this morning in the office. and as soon as i said it, billy goes "yeah, they're splitting up," without me even saying another word. i wrote an article about famous couples and fought to have them included, arguing that they were different from other hollywood couples, yada yada. BOO! how disturbing. the SC curse strikes again. so we're re-doing the article and replacing them with denzel and his wife. his wife isn't really famous, but they're honestly the only hollywood couple who are both in their first marriage and have been together longer than 10 years. speaking of the SC curse, that was my halloween costume! yep, i was the SC curse. it's amazing how many examples there were of people we've featured who went and either a) got divorced; b) entered rehab; c) were involved in a scandal; or d) died. i'll post pics of all our costumes on my blog later. loved your costume by the way. you're a genius.

so glad you got to see camp & linda in SD! loved y'alls pics.

i miss you.

8:33 AM  
Blogger Dakota Kid said...

sorry to hear about your encounter with the arachnid!! Just amps up my distaste for those vile little creatures! ha!

and then on another note, I just saw on "the view" today a performance from the new Off Broadway comedy "Evil Dead"!!! just had to laugh since you had just asked the trivia question refering to the Bruce Campbell vehicle!! :)

laterz!

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Aim said...

i too was so sad about reese and ryan splitting. sigh. lol about beth and the sc curse. ;)

and oh the irony of you--and chris--getting your recluse bites in the good old USA instead of an exotic locale. sigh. you should just lie.

7:57 AM  

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