Well, That Was Unexpected

Real life is stranger than fiction...depending on which authors you read, of course.

Monday, October 30, 2006

the brown recluse of mi vida

oh man, i am not feeling work today. it's a very monday sort of a feeling.

am still reeling from the fact that my spider bite was from a brown recluse, which is apparently one of the worst you can get. everyone is horrified. everyone kept saying "wow, that's bad, but at least it's not from a brown recluse spider" and this is after i've had a high fever, chills, nausea for a week, painful swelling with a red diameter of like 8 inches, draining horrible crap from my wound and i was like "what the hell is worse than this?" so i checked on it out of morbid curiosity. and then i was like "oh cool, nothing is worse than this except death!" sweeeet. everyone keeps telling me how i will have some kind of scar and hole in my skin. i guess a lot of people get them on their faces, which would truly suck far worse, but mine is on my calf. i'm pretty relieved. scar away my little fiend. what slightly concerns me is that there is perfectly normal looking skin all the way up and down my calf that still feels painful and sore. my boss was like "wow, do you just feel so unlucky?" i'm like, hmm, i feel like i would have milked this for a hell of a lot more time off if i had known it would inspire horror and awe from so many people. the major irony, of course, is that i have been to so many slummy crapholes in this world, i mean whole countries that are slummy crapholes, in exotic places. and then i go to pine valley and some scary spider strikes. the answer to "where did you get that wicked scar?" would be a heckuva lot cooler if it was like "in a musty cave in one of the rock islands in halong bay" or "walking the alleys of calcutta, in city jungles where few foreigners dare to tread" not "rocking a screaming baby at a church retreat in pine valley. " but c'est la vie, it was a fabulous weekend. the only country that has clowned me worse than this is thailand with its 12 days of dysentery. thank you, bangkok.

argh. i keep having the james so bad that my muttering coworker has had to ask me to stop shaking her monitor twice! eeek. i hate this stupid leg shaking thing. it's so natural and subconscious.

okay, so the row vs. wade costume involves a lifejacket, an oar, rolled up highwater pants, and a big pillow stuffed under my shirt, a shirt which has the letter V emblazoned very largely on it and a question mark. so it's row v wade? i had the idea of sticking a knife in the pillow, but that was quickly vetoed by every rational person i know. my mom was like "why don't you just wear one of those sandwich boards with pictures of aborted fetuses."i thought it was sort of darkly funny, but i got the point. as is, there is no political statement and is received by both sides as brilliant. which is how i like to roll, frankly.

yesterday when we were watching football my father announced to me that he doesnt mind "that girl who does the sunday night football theme song. she's kind of cute." i was like "that's Pink, dad, and yes, she is cute in a rockin sort of way." i was torn b/w being mortified, but then, if one has to find anyone cute, i would rather it be pink than say, paris hilton. i just like pink.

i just got the very disturbing news of ryan philippe and reese witherspoon splitting. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. they were supposed to be forever and ever. is nothing certain, people? i feel like all the assertions upon which i live my life are being eroded one by one....okay not really. everything in my real life is doing well. i mean, besides my weird near-lethal spider bite. but reese and ryan, get back together! now!

and way to go chris, you totally nailed the movie from whence the words klatu barata nicto were later seen: army of darkness. and bruce campbell is the one and only actor.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

i was walking with a ghost

Creature from the black lagoon was on TV today and my father just started laughing he said “I used to watch this all the time on Friday freak night.” Adorable. the actual creature in said movie, by the way, is hysterical. He’s this weird guy w/ webbed feet who looks like a burn victim. Halloween weekend is full of classic scary movies, day the world stood still, Dracula, the mummy—the boris karloff version, etc. A great quote from the day the earth stood still has patricia neal start out her snappy dialogue with a very concerned, “Gort? what could gort do? He’s a robot.” “yes, he’s a robot, so he could do anything he wants… gort could destroy the world. now if I don’t make it you need to go to gort and say these words “klatu barata nicto.” here's a trivia contest for you: you get three points if you can guess where else that phrase has come into play. And who the main actor was in said movie.

Speaking of Halloween, the other day there was an ad for the show Medium and there was an awesome song paired with it that goes “I was walking with a ghost…”. well, I found out it was by tegan and sara and lo and behold one of my almighty media hookups, jon nishikawa, had given it to me over a year ago. I love it when stuff like that happens. Now if only I could get the club song from 25th hour….why have I spent hours of my life trying to find it, I should just get the movie.

my row vs wade halloween costume was well-received by the people attending tonight's halloween party. they gave me an unofficial award for most brilliant costume. it was lauren's idea, of course. but i maaaay have failed to mention that.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

the retreat

where have i been? well, i went to a retreat with my church last weekend in pine valley. i was helping one of my good friends, kim, watch her baby b/c her husband is out of town and she is the children and families pastor at the church. full of fun and campfire and very little sleep due to screaming baby. major hilarity highlight: the assistant pastor who was running the whole thing ended up preaching on the life of peter and the symbol for peter is: the upside down cross...now, i don't know how megadeth any of you are, but when i think of the upside down cross i think of satanic cults. and so all of our retreat paraphrenalia is covered with these upside down crosses. and i'm just dying b/c i think it's hysterical. and the people in their congregration are like "how could he not know?" so they were sort of embarrassed. anyway, it turns out that one of charity's best friends was attending a men's retreat in the same place and so i showed him our retreat literature and said "when you see this, what do you think?" and he made the devil sign with his hands and stuck out his tongue. i was like "exactly." so for the rest of the retreat he would flash me with that sign across the room. the weekend also involved a harrowing search for lost keys and me getting bit by a poisonous spider which gave me a high fever and chills and for which i am now taking antibiotics. i did think it would be sort of cool to be killed by a black widow. when i woke up this morning i looked up to the sky and said "guess you want to keep me around a little longer, eh?" and then i tumbled out of bed and started my day.

today found out the mutterer is a painter. teaches art classes. i'm like, how can an artist be so frickin inhospitable and grumbly? who knew. she has this whole other side that teaches painting at craft stores. i feel like i'm learning that John Bolton knits sweaters for his kitties.

a tattooed man with a birthmark reddening half his face at the deli a few blocks down gave me a free drink, which i assumed came with my sandwich. my coworkers were like "uh, no, none of US got free drinks" so they were like "oooh, he's sweet on you." a phrase from the fifties, i believe. but i was like, "well, he DID seem rebellious, and that's a good thing, i enjoy the tattoos." i'll have to see if it was a fluke or not.

when i went to the doctor--my lovely blessed hero of the week for having compassion on the insurance-less and giving me good deals and finding me samples so i didnt have to pay for a prescription for my antibiotics--she said i lost about 8 pounds last month. that's cool. i havent been weighing myself, but you know those doctor people, they are obsessed.

today my coworker Will had salt and vinegar chips on his desk. they were pointed outward and i said "um, i assume by the directionality of the bag that you are offering us these chips and not just trying to taunt us?" affirmative. i was like "you and krista are trying to seduce us with your tasty wares." which is what rachel does at ORTV. if i ever get desperate for a husband, i will have to try this tactic. as it is now, i buy readymade veggie plates to bring to parties or i bring the soda.

saw x-men 3 last night with charity, major disappointment. barfy brett ratner did his ratty best and there was no character development, no sympathy. it was sort of lame--the plot wasn't even convincing, i was like, dude, they are so not going to exterminate all of you and you guys are so not going t fight a war, and the golden gate bridge moving? eh. whatever , except for the last two scenes with magneto sort of moving the chess piece and jean luc picard being alive the movie would have been better with no words. as charity noted: why is it that when jean grey was demolishing everyone and wolverine was the only one who could stop her b/c of his amazing instantaneous healing abilities, his shirt vaporized but his pants didnt? not that we wanted to see what was under his pants, well, i mean not that we don't want to either, uh, whatever, but it's a logical flaw.

i'm going to get a cup of chai from the upstart crow now and wait for ma and pa hartle's bible study group to be done.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

magical ace

i feel like the apocalypse is right around the corner.

mike tyson might start boxing against women...there is just so much to say about this. i mean, not that i don't have faith that a woman could be a great boxer who could clean his clock. but he shouldnt be allowed to fight anybody. the man is an ANIMAL.
speaking of great female boxers, one of my coworkers is a boxer--andrea, i think YOU would be a great boxer, btw--and after i talked to her all i could think about was the most recent episode of The Office where pam tells the story of Million Dollar Baby in the grief group.

for the past week every time i pull into the ace parking lot there is a man standing in a parking space opposite where i park and he's under a tree facing the chain link fence barrier and smoking a cigar and screwing around with his PDA. every day. maybe it's his happy place. after 6pm it becomes the happy place of a few homeless men, so who knows about the magical properties of the ace parking lot. frankly, i just find it kind of bizarre.

i love american donuts. i love them so much. and i hate them. why cannot donuts be healthy?

i'd like to thank one of my authors for transposing the word form when she wants to use the word from because it requires me to be on my tiptoes and unable to use spell check and i enjoy that about her.

I've been so ridiculously busy with work and school lately that when i read something for an assignment and i don't understand it the first time i read it i just want to fling the reading across the room and burn it. i'm like "i do not have time to not understand this!" but apparently i am supposed to be happy that i am learning a subject that takes training and practice and is not readily discernible by lay people. thus sayeth my professor. to which i sayeth, "heinous"

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

all amish all the time

no, I do not agree with the Amish about death being preferential to molestation. My view is actually that God can redeem all things and that victims of molestation can go on to be wonderfully productive people with fulfilling lives with great purpose. I'm not so focused on heaven that i think everyone should be killed b/c that would lead logically to the fact that everyone who believes in heaven should be killed b/c it will always be preferential to life on earth on any given day. But I have been inspired by the way that the amish have forgiven the killer's family and supported the wife and kids and the way they have dealt with funds given to them and whatnot. Now, it is up for debate whether one reason they are being so forgiving is because the crime took lives of girls rather than boys--i don't really know about gender roles in amish society. but it seems that they highly value all life. on a related note, i really loved bob herbert's op-ed from the New York times. i will paste it in here:

Why Aren't We Shocked?

By Bob Herbert

Published: October 16, 2006

"Who needs a brain when you have these?" — message on an Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt for young women.

In the recent shootings at an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania and a large public high school in Colorado, the killers went out of their way to separate the girls from the boys, and then deliberately attacked only the girls. Ten girls were shot and five killed at the Amish school. One girl was killed and a number of others were molested in the Colorado attack.

In the widespread coverage that followed these crimes, very little was made of the fact that only girls were targeted. Imagine if a gunman had gone into a school, separated the kids up on the basis of race or religion, and then shot only the black kids. Or only the white kids. Or only the Jews.

There would have been thunderous outrage. The country would have first recoiled in horror, and then mobilized in an effort to eradicate that kind of murderous bigotry. There would have been calls for action and reflection. And the attack would have been seen for what it really was: a hate crime.

But none of that occurred because these were just girls, and we have become so accustomed to living in a society saturated with misogyny that violence against females is more or less to be expected. Stories about the rape, murder and mutilation of women and girls are staples of the news, as familiar to us as weather forecasts. The startling aspect of the Pennsylvania attack was that this terrible thing happened at a school in Amish country, not that it happened to girls.

The disrespectful, degrading, contemptuous treatment of women is so pervasive and so mainstream that it has just about lost its ability to shock. Guys at sporting events and other public venues have shown no qualms about raising an insistent chant to nearby women to show their breasts. An ad for a major long-distance telephone carrier shows three apparently naked women holding a billing statement from a competitor. The text asks, "When was the last time you got screwed?"

An ad for Clinique moisturizing lotion shows a woman's face with the lotion spattered across it to simulate the climactic shot of a porn video.

We have a problem. Staggering amounts of violence are unleashed on women every day, and there is no escaping the fact that in the most sensational stories, large segments of the population are titillated by that violence. We've been watching the sexualized image of the murdered 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey for 10 years. JonBenet is dead. Her mother is dead. And we're still watching the video of this poor child prancing in lipstick and high heels.

What have we learned since then? That there's big money to be made from thongs, spandex tops and sexy makeovers for little girls. In a misogynistic culture, it's never too early to drill into the minds of girls that what really matters is their appearance and their ability to please men sexually.

A girl or woman is sexually assaulted every couple of minutes or so in the U.S. The number of seriously battered wives and girlfriends is far beyond the ability of any agency to count. We're all implicated in this carnage because the relentless violence against women and girls is linked at its core to the wider society's casual willingness to dehumanize women and girls, to see them first and foremost as sexual vessels — objects — and never, ever as the equals of men.

"Once you dehumanize somebody, everything is possible," said Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of the women's advocacy group Equality Now.

That was never clearer than in some of the extreme forms of pornography that have spread like nuclear waste across mainstream America. Forget the embarrassed, inhibited raincoat crowd of the old days. Now Mr. Solid Citizen can come home, log on to this $7 billion mega-industry and get his kicks watching real women being beaten and sexually assaulted on Web sites with names like "Ravished Bride" and "Rough Sex — Where Whores Get Owned."

Then, of course, there's gangsta rap, and the video games where the players themselves get to maul and molest women, the rise of pimp culture (the Academy Award-winning song this year was "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp"), and on and on.

You're deluded if you think this is all about fun and games. It's all part of a devastating continuum of misogyny that at its farthest extreme touches down in places like the one-room Amish schoolhouse in normally quiet Nickel Mines, Pa.

Friday, October 13, 2006

friday the 13th

so who is not in love with the amish right now? i hope the answer is nobody. their incredibly Christlike response to the freakish shooting of their little girls is just awe-inspiring. i was reading about what they will do with donations that have come in to them, and it's like "we'll use them to make our houses handicap accessible and with loongterm health care, but we'll also give some to the killer's family and then anything over and above our needs we'll give to hospital charities or something." oh my gosh. those people are sexy. really, doesnt it just make you want to kiss someone hearing that kind of goodness being practiced out there?

it's friday the 13th. rained on my way to work. i got in later than i wanted to. i ignored my alarm and had an amazingly vivid dream where i was back in costa rica watching the dolphins jump out of the water (which happens) and not being able to make it to work on time b/c i was in costa rica and wondering how to phrase it to my boss. one of our visionary leaders here has offered to take me and the mutterer out to a local restaurant for lunch in a few weeks at some place where you can make a lunch out of like 6 different kinds of salad. i'd say it's been a bit of a weird day.

Just for your general knowledge: the song Pepper by the Butthole surfers, while humorously well-written--some will fall in love with life and drink it from a fountain that is flowing like an avalanche coming down a mountain-- and good for certain moods, is not really an excellent motivating song for such tasks as lightning fast link checking. That requires chemical brothers, paul oakenfold, the Saint soundtrack. i am listening first to some casting crowns as i give my eyes a little rest from straining to find imperfections in irs docs. by the way, lamont, your musical additions to my collection have been invaluable! thank you so much!

my dear aim, project runway is on bravo every wednesday night at 10pm, but next week is the FINALE where they will reveal the winner! and, if i am not mistaken, in the hours leading up to the project runway finale they will show every previous episode, starting Wednesday AM. Even if you only catch a few you can get the feel of the competitions and the contestants.

by the way, the relaxation prayer exercises involve closing your eyes and envisioning a horizon--either a hill framed against the sky or where the ocean meets the sky and regulating breathing--pretty standard stuff. it helps rest your eyes and helps you focus. you don't have to use it for prayer, you can use it at any time that you need to relax, it just feels like the beginning of prayer to me, so i call it that.

um, onward and downward. so i told you about my resistance toward my muttering coworker the other day...yesterday was the culminating effort. so we had to stay really late to get this project out on time. what i do requires her to do her thing first, so we were here together. it's all good b/c the mutterer and i have a good working relationship. but apparently i had some subconscious leftover hostility. as i was leaving the copy room i farted, and then she came down the hall behind me from the bathroom and she says "eeww, is that the cleaning lady's detergent? it smells terrible." i almost died...from pride of course.

i put on too much perfume this morning and i am sort of choking myself. my new perfume motto: less is more when running out the door!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

camlin come to visit

Long lost loved friends from Taiwan, Campbell and LInda, were in town for a visit tuesday and wednesday, with ma and pa Way in tow. My prophecy was wrong and campbell, my soul sibling, announced to me that everyone thougvht they would be engaged after this trip and even if he was going to propose he wouldn't now just to spite us all. harumph. anyway, it was a lovely visit, felt like no time had passed. i hope to seduce them into living in california, san diego, maybe, whenever they return to their american roots. i didn't get to take them to enough places to really seal the deal, but we have a standing date for the fondue restaurant cam wanted to go to and couldnt b/c they are closed b/w lunch and dinner. linda's parents were totally adorable, they tented themselves with their jackets when we walked on the beach, in order to fend off that nastiest of all beasts: the sun. they also really enjoyed the mexican restaurant we went to and a plate of baba ghanouj shared at a cafe. they never knew other cuisines could cook up anything so tempting. i'm thrilled to have helped open their eyes. some greek restaurant in arcadia is going to get a sweet visit. it was nice to speak some chinese again. and they gave me a mooncake! aww, i do vaguely remember thinking in midaugust/september that moon festival was afoot and people were bbqing all over the streets and how i would have bought starbucks mooncakes. as it happens, i'm having quite a nice time celebrating fall here in the US of A. i cannot get enough pumpkin spice in my life. pumpkin spice and chai--things you cant find in their true form in Taiwan. so yes, nutmeg and clove and I have been bonding. i even hold off on certain calorie consumption so that i can drink heavenly pumpkin spice creations.

the drama of last night was that laura/michael and sortof uli on project runway accused jeff of cheating and not sewing all of his outfits himself. i was like "noooo" because i really like the final 4 and want to see all of their creations. my mom and i were in a tizzy--jeff is rough around the edges but he is still really endearing and last night we found out that he was saved from a suicide attempt and has a kid named harrison whom he adores and an adorable girlfriend and feels that every day he has now is a gift, a day he shouldn't have had. i feel that. besides, jeffery is definitely the most innovative. i like a lot of his stuff--very fun. well, a bunch of websites were like "reps for the show have been mum about the controversy" but dude, i saw on two sites that the four of them ALL showed their collections, so even if he is somehow disqualified from winning, he at least gets to show his stuff on fashion week. pheeeewww. they had this totally deceptive preview where tim says that they have taken the allegations really seriously and unfortunately...and the next thing you see is jeff crying. i was like "noooo, noooo" because i also just don't want to believe that jeff cheated. anyway, whatever happens, there he is on the internet with slides of his creations. PHEW!

ahem. in other news, my bulgarian coworker diana, who is, let's say it together people, ADORable, has just sprayed this designer-impostorsesque perfume all over me and i smell like a rite aid perfume counter. you cant get this stuff in the united states, she says....hmmm, pity.

speaking of communists, this week's project for postcommunist politics involved downloading over 600 pages of reports from freedomhouse. nice. he gets a little slack for being cool with me skipping class b/c i had bronchitis and b/c cam and lin were here. also for the fact that he gave me a totally respectable grade on a paper that was far less than respectable. i mean, if he adjusts his grading for the fact that he is incomprehensible, then hey, that's cool. i mean, i would like to feel competent in this subject but a decent grade would be nice either way.

Monday, October 09, 2006

columbus day

So I'm sitting and talking to Charity after we saw The Departed--two thumbs up, well written.funny and yet heavy, close your eyes at the violent scenes, etc. i am in love with leonardo dicaprio, much like The Prestige, this movie didnt even have to be a talkie and i would still have seen it, matt damon, leo, christian bale, hugh jackman, oh my! mark wahlberg is hysterical!--and Chare asks me about how i'm doing with school and work and everything and as i ramble on, i realize, i'm happy with everything, school is totally stimulating and challenging, work is fun and pays the bills and they love the work i do, church is good, but like i am just so overwhelmed. there is just not enough time to be a healthy human being and work full time and take three classes. so i relaly like my classes but i cant actually prepare for them, and i really want to b/c i find them fascinating. except one, post communist politics i am talking to YOU! and i'm like, hmm, well, i was only planning on taking 2 classes per semester anyway, i should just try to drop post-comm. and i am feeling good and relaxed by this decision. so i call the registrar's office this morning. ring, ring, "hello, i had to add a third class for my major but i havent paid for three classes and there's this class i really hate, so can i just drop it?" "at this point you need to petition to drop a class" "oh, how do i petition?" "you have to have a compelling reason" and i'm thinking, 40 hours a week and three classes is a helluva good reason and i say "what is a compelling reason?" and she says "you know, death, serious injury..." so i start cracking up and i'm like "death? so i guess working full time and not being able to handle it won't cut it?" silence. "look, i'm totally going to pay for that third class, i don't want to be a cheap skate, but i mean, if i drop a class and i havent paid for a class, doesnt that even out?" and she says "no, you'll get a W and you still have to pay for that class or we will put a hold on your record and you won't be able to do anything." and i say "oh. bummer." and she says "yeah. sorry." and i'm like damn .i just have to deal with 3 more months of total insanity. luckily it's enjoyable insanity. but i'm like "damn, i don't want to go to school and do a mediocre job AGAIN!!" not to mention that i've learned more about post soviet politics through wikipedia than i have through my prof. grrr. anyway, i'll just power through this semester and only take two classes/semester forevermore. selah.

so, i'd like to announce that if God indeed has a nourishing udder, the liquid flowing through that udder is pumpkin spice flavored coffeemate creamer. people. you have no idea the blissful death i will die from the partially hydrogenated heaven i ingest every day with various flavors of coffeemate. jennifer introduced me to creme brulee, pumpkin spice, peppermint mocha. they even have a vanilla chai spice. i cannot adequately describe the greatness of it. they are like cheap, fabulous lattes with less calories.

today is columbus day, and because i work for a company that contracts to the government and the government has the day off, so do i. but i am working from home because campbell and linda are coming to visit! yay. i am trading monday and wednesday. i hope you don't mind if i do a little blog prophesying. i prophesy that campbell asked linda's parents for her hand in marriage and that they are engaged. and i bet that linda will break this news to me...we have something to tell you... and expect me to be surprised, which i just never am. poor thing, i can just see her coming from 500 miles away. and i will make this face i always make that says "i'm sorry, i'm totally not surprised, but i'm still really happy for you!"

ahem. anyway, my favorite recent find is ratemyprofessors.com which has very honest and hysterical reviews of professors. you'll be happy to know that my post communist politics prof has been rated incomprehensible and yet "hot" one person said that the class sucked but they would take it again because he is so hot. bwaahahahaha. good to know that teaching ability doesnt affect your hotness rating. they have little chili peppers next to "hot" professors. it's killing me.

back to work and exercise! have great columbus--bringer of imperialism, disease and racial chauvinism-day.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

janitors are cool, man.

a man just came into my conference room wearing a suit and cologne that still lingers, 15 minutes after he left. he sat down and i said "hi, how are you...are you going to work here?" you know, making polite chat i don't have to make, but do because i don't want to make him feel awkward. he says "yeah, maybe part-time, some janitorial stuff, gotta clean this place up" and i say "oh, nice" and he says "i'm just kidding." and i say "hilarious" and if you know the many definitions of hilarious, you would know that hilarious in this situation meant "heinous" because, dude, it's not cool to act like you're all above being a janitor. f off, man. you come in wearing your suit and half a bottle of cologne and i'm supposed to think you cant be a janitor? whatever.

we have a flavia machine at work. i like to make iced coffees. so i am responsible for filling up the ice trays when they run low. we have these weird ice trays with lids--presumably, you fill it through the lid, less mess, yay. hmm, yes, well, i managed to make a solid inch thick layer of ice on top of the trays. it was impossible to break. i'm like, where is jet li when you need him?

in other news, i think my daily debate over whether the powdered frothy milk topping is more or less healthy than putting mini-moo creamer in my coffee is probably moot. they are both death--one in powder form and one in a mysterious liquid milk-product-that-somehow-doesnt need-to-be-refrigerated form. speaking of death, when i do my prayer relaxation exercises at my desk and become attuned to the sounds around me i realize that i can not only hear multiple computers whirring, but also the air conditioner and the refrigerator and the cars outside. i live in an artifical world.

bwahahaha, my boss just came in and the Mutterer muttered something and my boss was like "are you talking to me or to yourself, because sometimes i talk to myself , but i don't want an answer." hilarious and very diplomatic. adore.

i will have a cell phone number by tomorrow. you can thank julia and jon and their effective methods of asian persuasion for this.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Well, kids, it's time to gear up for grumbling with my disgruntled, muttering officemate! bzzabzzabzz"that's not right bzzabzz..hr,ph...bzzabazzzwhatthe hell...bzaabzzzi hate pcs...bzzabzzhrmph

my passive revenge took place yesterday when my lunch didnt settle with my stomach and i spent the afternoon silently passing gas. the silent fart is really an art. can you make your chair squeak just when you need to? can a potentially humiliating fart be let out bit by bit, and entirely silently? can you then feign ignorance when your coworkers say "hmm, what's that smell?"

walked over to meet charity for lunch today. have decided to structure the rest of my life this month around the entertainment book my mom gave me with various 2 for 1 coupons. have allowed other coworkers to plunder said book. charity does not know it yet, but we will be going out for ethiopian food soon.

something i havent told you guys about is how there is a car that is always parked near my work that has a license plate that read ELSHDDI. Now, any amy grant fan will tell you that stand for EL SHaddai, a name for our Lord. When I first read it i thought "el shitty?" and then i realized my blasphemous ways. except that, can we be honest, that car exemplifies el shitty way more than el shaddai. just putting it out there.

260 web pages with IRs information later, i have to go!

Monday, October 02, 2006

i mutter to myself b/c i aint got no one to mutter to

back at work. i am knee deep in a perilously unformatted and inconsistent document that is making me see cross-eyed.

yesterday i had a warm, fuzzy church experience. Kim was preaching fabulously from the pulpit with her usual theological thoroughness and as i looked around i counted numerous old couples cuddling in the audience. you know, i think marriage is risky, but if i meet someone with whom it is possible to still be in love when i am 75, then that's pretty spectacularly worth the risk. i've decided that fletcher hills pres needs to change its name to "the church of really old peope who are still in love." one couple in at least their sixties always has their arms around each other--standing and singing, sitting and cuddling, all lovey all the time. more fuzzy church happiness: they call their little bulletin update The Micro Chimes and they also have something called Chapel Chimes.

i have a new office mate. she's a mutterer. so the ipod is getting significantly more use. and we are on the same table, so every time i reposition myself i end up jostling her monitors. monitors plural b/c almost everyone here is set up with dual video cards. it's totally sweet for comparison.
I believe the mutterer next to me may be cursing in another language. it reminds me of when i sat opposite of this guy who totally had tourret's syndrome and he would say the f word every time he made any kind of mistakes. like "F, i just had to retype this word, F I hit the spacebar twice, F the deli doesn't have mustard..." it was mildly hysterical because it was used so inappropriately, like i wonder what he would have said if anything truly terrible had ever happened.

went for a walk on my break. i found the USS Midway and a lot of homeless people. also found the very cool urban tree project one of which is called calderberry tree and is a tree with leaves made of mobiles ala alexander calder. very cool.

am ashamed that in addition to the lost prophets song Roofgtops and the Muse song Starlight i am also indulging in a super cheesy song by the googoo dolls called Better Days. as beth might say, it's squishy. but i loooove it.

i'm disenchanted with my commie prof. i just glanced over at my purse and saw a certain female item that had accidentally come unwrapped and i thought that when i'm in class tomorrow "if that a-hole says one more incomprehensible thing i'm going to throw that at him!"